Pain is always traumatic. Be it personal or others’, pain is pain. But always personal pain is different from all types of pain. The irony is that personal pain is always your own. Very few people can understand the depth of personal pain. That does not mean all people can not feel the pain but the amount of people who can understand are very few.
From my own experience I am telling the truth. As I am a writer I am able to understand the feelings of people. When I come across people with various types of pain, I can feel that pain as mine. But recently when my mother died suddenly due to doctor’s negligence in the hospital then I came to know how difficult it is to bear the pain. I saw people around me forget my maa’s death very quickly. But I came across the real truth of life. As I am a life long bachelor, I was more attached to my maa. Suddenly my life took u-turn. In the middle of night I wake up, feel as if my maa is calling me, standing by me and suddenly she vanishes. I gaze at sky, search my maa’s figure but she does not come. This incident cannot be felt by others. Now I am unable to share anything with anybody which I was doing with my maa. I am unable to find close people of mine, who can understand the agony of my heart.
Also people around me tell me to forget the incident of my maa’s unfortunate death. But how can I! I have seen how my maa died due to doctor’s negligence. She was alright but they put her in ICU. They told me to give her food but they did not provide her food. She was alert. She did not sleep and saw how the other serious patients were lying on the bed. She called the doctors but they did not listen to her. They even forget to give her allotted injections and medicines in time. When I went to meet her after four hours she was sitting on the bed calmly. She told me that they did not provide her food or medicine. She was angry as the doctors did not attend her. I asked the doctors why not they provided food or medicine. They told food supply was finished and forgotten to provide her require medicines. I shouted a lot for their callousness. She was very head strong and overcome four times open head surgery successfully. Within fifteen minutes due to anger and as the stomach was empty she suffered cardiac arrest. They made pumping for one hour and it was all in vain. They killed my mother. The incident was pathetic. So that pain I am unable to forget and it will be with me forever. I cry a lot at night everyday. Due to silly negligence of doctors my maa died abruptly. This pain everybody can not understand or feel. It is very painful to overcome. So, the bitter truth is that personal pain is always personal. If one can not go deeper to others pain then it is impossible to understand the pain. People say a lot about sharing pain but very few people actually can understand and share the pain. It is very rare to find friends who can actually share your pain. So life is very difficult when you lose your loved ones suddenly. You have to bear all the pain by yourself and if you are lucky one then you may get a true friend who can feel your pain, understand your pain or share your pain. Also it is not so easy to understand the deepness of pain of a person unless one experienced/felt by himself or herself. People may list to you but their heart can not feel the pain of yours how much you actually feel. It is life. It is the true experience of life.
Biswaranjan Nayak's Blog 